You're a womanizer and a bitch.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
