Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Can you repeat that, but with context?
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
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