i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
