Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Randomize
