so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
We have so much sex to catch up on
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Randomize
