3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize