hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
