i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
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