And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
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