I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Randomize
