She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
i came on her dog
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Randomize
