If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Randomize
