Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Randomize
