he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
