I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
