My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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