Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Im part way to drunk.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
