Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
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