I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
