During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
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