I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
