were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
