Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Randomize
