i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
