you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
