i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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