i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
40s are totally the cure
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Randomize
