I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Randomize
