and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
