She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
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