Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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