No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
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