God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
