We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Randomize
