My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Randomize
