Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Randomize
