i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
