I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Houston, we have a blender
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Randomize
