Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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