just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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