ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I need to calm my uterus...
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Randomize
