My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Randomize
