well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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