***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
