When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
