i love accidental penises.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
