Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Randomize
