Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
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