I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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