i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
