Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
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